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I had a really interesting observation in my mind earlier today but I completely forgot what it was.

And I'm so mad at myself. I have on thing on my mind but I want to save it for last. I just want to scream, okay?

Computer Graphics is stressing me out right now. Nothing I do seems good enough anymore. My creativity has dropped out the window. I don't even use blue and black pens to decorate my work. That's just how impaired my creativity is right now.

The one thing I relied on. The one thing I liked about myself is no more...

Today was a fairly good day once again. Though I was unusually tired during Calculus class. It was a bad day to be tired because our test is tomorrow and I really didn't feel like paying attention anymore so I started doodling. I always doodle in that class but I usually copy notes at the same time. But today, that didn't happen.

I really wish I could remember the groundbreaking philosophies I had today. I feel like it had something to do with what happened on Saturday when I went to community service. And my "mentor", as I would like to call her, was talking to me about college and stuff. And it was a pretty interesting conversation.

Basically, what I got out of it was that if I wanted to be really successful, I have either be a petroleum engineer, a pharmacist, or a medical doctor and that's it. Well, I never really thought about being a petroleum engineer and obviously, who would think of being one. Like an engineer for petroleum, what? Anyway, it pays big bucks because everyone in the world needs petroleum. And the US doesn't have that so they pay people fortunes to go out and get some. Awesome idea, right? I wanted to be an engineer at what point but I realized that I hated math too much to do that.

So the other options are pharmacist and medical doctor. And I was thinking, if I did become a medical doctor, which field would I go into. In Chemistry class, the one that sounded good at that time was a dermatologist but my parents would probably think I'm insane. Remember when I wanted to be a plastic surgeon? I still want to be. :P

I just don't see myself as being a doctor. I feel like I'm inclined to technology. Like it's my calling or something. And I wouldn't mind being a bio-medical engineer if math wasn't involved. -_-'

I guess that's what I wanted to say... I don't know. So I need to take a nap soon because I have a bunch of studying ahead of me.

So the thing that's making me explode... I'm afraid to even speak of it but as I had said before, I will anyway.  It's about The Stupid Crush. I think he's playing tricks with my mind. Today, he sat next to me on the bus. In my mind, I wanted to scream. Not out of joy. I felt awkward. Of all the seats on this bus... Let me repeat this again. Of ALL THE SEATS ON THIS BUS, he decided to sit next to me. Do you understand why I want to explode now? I didn't understand. I saw when he came on the bus and for a second, I thought he would sit next to the girl across from me, but he didn't. I'm sure the bus was full and everything but there were a bunch of seats with just one person in them. And remember, he hates me.

I was talking with my friend who was sitting in front of me but I felt awkward. He wasn't even wearing his earbuds like he usually does. And when he finally did wear them, the bus ride was half way over. And then the bus driver arrived around my stop and he was like, "Are you getting off here?" Or something like that.

Okay. I know FULL well that he knows this is my bus stop. Everyone knows this is my stop. I'm that girl who's bus stop the bus driver keeps skipping. In my mind, I should've been like WTF. Instead, it was more like, "Damn. Your eyes are beautiful."

And now I can't hate him anymore. But I won't like him either. He won't be The Stupid Crush anymore, as well. I don't know what to call him. And hopefully, I won't have to speak much of him again. But I still think he's cute and will forever think so. I just won't obsess over him nor any boy ever again.

I just remembered the groundbreaking philosophies I wanted to speak about but I'll bring it up in another post, perhaps tomorrow. I need my nap. BYE.

Peace & Confusion.