Okay, so it's almost 1 AM. I want to sleep. But I really need to type this out before it leaves my mind.
Tomorrow, I'll update you guys on classes.
So once I get on the bus, I like to relax and blast music whether it's going to school or coming back from school. Honestly, I don't really like to talk to anyone unless there's something that has to be said. But sometimes, I let the earbuds down. And by sometimes, I mean very rarely. And those rare times I have, I have totally regretted it. (Okay maybe not regret, but questioned)
I won't talk about the first instance. Let's just say that freshmen really don't have nothing cool to talk about. But today, I watched as a boy held hands with this girl and I guess he walked her to her bus and that was that. He comes onto my bus and sits down in a seat behind and I hear him say something like, "She didn't taste like Skittles today." I wanted to throw up a little.
Okay, let me tell you something. This guy, though he's a freshman, he's pretty cute. I mean, for a freshman. Tall, blonde hair, blah blah blah. His girlfriend is small, Asian, cute, with a deep side-part. They are like the perfect cute couple and that already makes me sick. Then you're telling me she didn't taste like Skittles today. BLEECHHHHHHHHH!
I feel like I have the perfect view of kissing couples from where I sit on the bus when I first aboard. I hate it. I never realized how many couples there are in this school until I sat in that seat for the past few weeks. I already hate how I look and now it's being rubbed in that yeah, I'm too ugly for love.
And there's this couple that I absolutely loathe. For the second time, this guy and girl kissed in front of my bus. And they do this weird thing where the girl pretends to nonchalantly approach the bus and the boy turns her around and pulls her to him and then they kiss. Sickening, you guys. Straight up, sickening.
But that isn't the main point of this post.
Today, I did a very horrible thing. I regret it so SO much. I hope God can forgive me because I seriously regret everything.
These three kids sitting in front of me were having this conversation about the Bible and how they were atheists and the Bible says this and that. And they were basically trashing the Bible. And I got interested, you know. Being that I have been on the edge, though I've been leaning towards God's side because of certain things that happened. And yeah... never mind that.
I had to open my mouth and say something. And then I somehow I got pushed into the conversation. I said a few bad things but not much. Mostly about my experience with the Bible and the weird things I saw. But I soon realized that it was not a conversation that I wanted to be in with the people just plain trashing the Bible and trashing the people who believe in it. And while they were laughing, I tried to fake a laugh but it was so bad. I can't believe I got myself into such a mess like that.
I should've just sat there with my earbuds on, pretending that I'm cool, listening to Silver by 311 or something. Not conversating or trying to conversate with cruel atheists.
Honestly, they shouldn't have been having such a conversation on the bus like that. Second, I realized today that if I want to talk to someone about how I feel, that was not the way to do it. At least for me.
Forgive me God.
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