This Isn' A Good Day To Be Happy

It's funny because I got up in a good mood this morning. I don't know why. I was just feeling good.

And the I find out that my dad's uncle died. And my dad didn't cry. But he was very upset. I can tell he's not over it. I mean, we just found out like two hours ago. But I cried. Just a little. I didn't cry because the man died. I hadn't met him but he seemed so close to the family, the way my dad talked about him. I met him back when I went to Nigeria. 5 years ago. And I vaguely remember it. Mostly because I remember going to this huge house and it was one of the biggest houses I had seen yet. You can't forget a mansion. No matter how long ago it was.

Anyways. I cried because I felt like I could feel the hurt my dad felt when he found out. I felt like I could feel the hurt of everyone grieving. Actually, I didn't feel it. But I guess I didn't like the fact that people were susceptible to grief. I haven't felt real grief before. And now I'm afraid. I'm afraid that anything would happen to one of my family members. And I know something will happen one day. But everyone just lives as if it's impossible that your mother, brother, sister, father, uncle, aunt, could die. Never! And when the person you care about dies, it's like, 'What is this? What do you mean he died? Who is this Death and what is He doing with my loved one?"

And then you never get them back.

It's so sad.

Actually, my mom was the first to find out my dad's uncle died. I was downstairs reading Fahrenheit 451 and then I heard my grandma shout something about my dad. As if something happened to him. And I'm thinking that he burned himself or fell down or something. I come up and my mom's like, "Obunwa's father". Obunwa, is my "cousin", but she's my aunt. Understand. She's my dad's cousin but she's like 20 years younger. But we call her our aunt. She's very close to us. It was her dad that had died. And my heart is beating hard and I sit down in the living room. So it's my sister, me, my grandma, and my mom. Just sitting there. My dad is in the shower.

My mom tells me to call Aunty Obunwa. And I'm sitting their dumbfounded because I'm 15 years old. This woman's father just died today. What the heck am I supposed to say? So I call and she's just crying and I just wanna cry with her. I say, "Hi Aunty Obunwa. It's me Jessica. I'm so sorry." And then my mom takes the phone and then my grandma who's probably the strongest of us all.

I remember looking at my mom and grandma and they really did not wanna tell my dad. But he was gonna find out as son as he got out of that shower. You see, this is uncle had been apart of his life since forever. He helped him when my dad was only like 19 and came over to America. And my dad talks about him a lot. In fact, we were just talking about him like two weeks ago, coming home from Costco. He was saying something about how his uncle was supposed to be coming to America any time soon to see his daughter's new house. And we were talking about other stuff.

And I was feeling good about it. I finally get to see this man that my dad raves about. But my dad also mentioned how his uncle got his Visa awhile back but had been neglecting to come to America. But my grandma revealed to me tonight that he probably didn't wanna come because he knew he wasn't feeling well and he didn't wanna come over to America and die here. Ugh. That's horrible.

Sigh....

And I woke up feeling so good today.