Speaking of dying, I felt like I was going to die in my AP Bio class. I've been feeling faint these past few days and I'm not sure why. I'm attributing it to some vitamin and mineral deficiencies because all I've been eating is crap. I wanted to do the blood drive which is tomorrow but I knew my eating habits were too bad for that. The blood takers will probably see chunks of sugar crystals and what not in my blood or something.
Let me spare them the horror.
My teachers have been being extra evil this week and have given us tons of work. Maybe I've just gotten so used to hardly ever having homework and now I have all of this stuff to do at one time and I just can't:
I have a quiz tomorrow in Orgo. I have homework due in Bio. I have homework in Stat. I have an essay in Lit. I have a Chapter 1 Revision, Chapter 2 Outline, and Mentor Bio due for RP.
On top of that, I have college stuff to think about. I'm still recovering from college applications and a mind-numbing annotated bibliography. I need a break.
I haven't been able to spend time in the library all this week. Yesterday, I can't remember why. I guess I was just tired. And today, I had an eye doctor's appointment. Tomorrow, I'm definitely going to complete one scholarship essay/application. I need to sort out the ones I wanna do and schedule them.
Today, I finally signed up for both the ACT and SAT. There's a whole bunch of scholarships (free tuition scholarships) for people with combined SAT scores of 1400 (and the ACT equivalent). I have a 1330. If I get one of these, I'm set for life.
I also applied to two more schools. I'll probably apply to one more tomorrow because why not. And I have some more free SAT score senders that I wanna use before they expire. That'll all be for tomorrow.
Ugh. I'm feeling like fainting again.
You know what's heartbreaking?
Seeing The Guy (my former ultimate crush) acting all couple-y with his girlfriend right next to me. I had a strong feeling I would see him today. I'm not sure why. And behold, I went into my RP class to sign out for my internship, and he was there with his girlfriend, loitering around. He glanced at me for sure but I always pretend I don't see him when I see him around.
And I walked out with my friend and she was talking to me but I couldn't help but want to listen to The Guy's conversation with his girlfriend. They were walking right in front of us and they were talking all gentle to each other. They began to slow in their walk and I'm pretty sure as soon as my friend and I passed them, they had started kissing. Or whatever couples do before they leave each other for class. -_-
Heartbreaking... But strength-building...
I know I've tried the whole finding a new crush thing before. But I'm trying again. And I think it's slowly working.
There's this Spanish guy with beautiful long curly hair that I've been seeing around school since last year. I know his name starts with a J but I can't remember exactly what. I've mentioned him before but basically, he looks like he would be one of those drop-out hinchos but in fact, he's actually serious about his schoolwork. I can attest to this because he takes AP Lang and he's always in the library.
What spawned on my new found crush was seeing him in the library yesterday morning. I saw him talking to the librarian and of all seats, I happened to pick the seat right next to where he was sitting without even knowing. And I wish I had just glanced at him when he came to sit down and said a little hello or something. I really don't know how the flirting things work.
He eventually left before me but I really wanted him to stay there.
And then I proceeded to see him again that same day when I was waiting outside for my friend's mom to pick us up. And I saw him again this morning at the library. And... I had a dream about him last night. It was more like a day dream, except in the night. And we happened to be sitting on the benches outside of the school, waiting for something. And we talked to each other like close friends and then he kissed me goodbye and yeah... It was all good.
Maybe he is God's package waiting for me. Maybe he is going to be the guy that will allow me to finally leave behind my obsession.
Let him talk to me. PLEASE GOD. Let him talk to me!
Okay, let me not sound so desperate. I'm really not that desperate for him to talk to me.
I'm desperate to stop thinking about The Guy. I want to stop caring. I want to stop caring about guys in general. I just want to be emotionally asexual and focus on the things that are important. I like a little boy candy here and there, like the sexy college boy on the bus or the cute junior that I pass by each day in the hallway. But no one that makes me think about him everyday and every minute and every morning and every night.
I talk about boys in each post. Ugh. I should go on a Boy Diet. No talking about crushed for an entire week unless something REALLY dramatic happens. Like if the Spanish guy talks to me or something drastic like that. (My qualifications of dramatic when it comes to boys is very low, if you can't tell).
ANYWAY.
I've been listening to a LOT more of The Smiths these days. I finally decided to place them as an artist in one of my stations and I've had no regrets. I've been listening to beautiful music all week. I'll go into details another one of these days. I really need to get started on my homework... Not like you guys don't hear that one everyday.
I'm finally making progress at my internship. So I'm happy about that. I'm finally just putting the sequences together. I've got all the pictures together. I might have to find some more words. But really, everything is piecing together and I'm happy about that. By the end of the week, I should have all the sequences together.
Why can't I play guitar?
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