Wishful Thinking,

On Friday, I went to the poetry slam with my friend and had a pretty good time. Some poems were a bit cringe-worthy and some were heartfelt and hit deep. Overall, I enjoyed it.

Would it be condescending for me to say that I know good poetry when I read it... or hear it? Even though I can't write poetry for shiz. I'm not one to express emotions in a conventional way. I'd rather just rant out in a blog post than try to mold my feelings into pretty but cliche stanzas of words. And I dislike cheese.

When we were doing the poetry unit in English last year and we had to create our own poems, I completely avoided trying to write anything too sentimental. I wrote on the lack of originality in the world and I ended up not really expressing exactly what I wanted to say because I wanted to keep it in a cute and carefree poem.

So that's enough about poetry, I guess. I really wanted to talk about boys. And I think I said I wanted to avoid talking about boys for awhile. But eff it. I'll talk about boys if I wanna talk about boys.

Anyway, my friend is trying to talk to two guys right now. One I already told you was Pretty Smile. And the second I will name The Poet.

The Poet had performed during the poetry slam and he got 2nd place. And I'm glad he did. I ended up talking to him a little bit with my friend and he was actually pretty nice. I don't have a crush on him or anything. But I guess I'm just guy thirsty and my interaction with guys have been severely limited this year. So anything I can get is amazing to me.

And THEN, there's Pretty Smile. Because I'm a horrible person, I've begun to take interest in him more and more because everyone else has... most particularly, my friend. And she ended up getting his number or well, he got hers. And she's been trying to text him but he's like me, a bad texter. Except Pretty Smile is WAY worse. According to my friend, he can take an entire day to text her back. And knowing my friend, when someone doesn't text back immediately, she repeatedly texts. And I had to tell her it was a COMPLETE no-no.

She told me that she read an article about why guys are such bad texters and according to the article, the reason why is because guys like to put all their time and energy into one task. So if they're playing a video game or hanging with someone, they like to use their time doing that instead of texting at the same time.

This reasoning makes sense and it's the same reason why I'm considered a bad texter. I dislike idle chit chat and if I have nothing to say, I won't. And if I'm tired or on the computer, then I REALLY do not like to be texting unless it's really important.

And if Pretty Smile is anything like that, having someone text repeatedly like that when you obviously don't feel like texting can be annoying. I didn't want him to get the impression that my friend was being obsessive (although she was), so I told her that she should just stop texting him until she gets to school. Then in class, she can be like, "Oh. Are you a bad texter or something?" I don't know. She can somehow casually bring it up and he'll probably give her an explanation and she work from there.

I think it's partly a Science and Tech thing and I mentioned this before but she was like, "No. It's just you." But then, she's been making all these other friends in S&T with the same texting and calling habits that I have and really, I think we all just share the same ideologies.

In fact, I felt like The Poet was speaking to me when he brought how much he disliked when people called him when they could easily text him. And in my mind, I was like, "YES! THANK YOU!!!" But my friend, who was the biggest offender of this, was there and I didn't want insult her. So I kinda just laughed it off.

And really, there's nothing wrong with being someone who prefers calling than texting. Honestly, I think it means they have better social skills than someone who prefers texting. But at the same time, I don't think being a preferer of texting should be a crime either and it should be respected. I don't really like texting or calling that much unless it's for necessity or if I actually have something interesting to talk about. And I don't mind anyone calling or texting me unless they have some interesting to talk about as well. But if I don't continue the conversation as they would like me to, I don't think I should be put down for it because I'm not the one who started the damn conversation in the first place.

And I'm getting on a rant. But I guess the point I wanted to make was that my friend should chill. And she didn't. She ended up texting him again the following day even though I told her not to. And I don't know if the guy texted her back or not. It would be sad if he didn't. But really, it's expected. He's a really smart guy, someone who probably does his homework on time and participates in clubs and smart-people activities and he's a pastor's son. He's a guy that has better things to do than idly chit-chat. And I'm not putting my friend down for it but she's just going to have to respect that. She's going to have to find another way to communicate with him.

But I guess you wanna know why I'm even bringing up this whole situation.

One of the points I actually wanted to make was that in the back of my mind, I don't really want Pretty Smile to like her. A large part of me wants them to get close but a small but sharp part of me wants him to not like her. I want him to see how outgoing and insane she is and realize that he'd prefer a girl... like me.

Actually, I'm the one who's insane if I think he's actually like me. I wish he would though.

But really, I don't think they'd be a good couple anyway. I don't think their personalities weld together. I see him going for a girl that's a bit more intellectual (not more intelligent, but intellectual!) and maybe shier than him but not necessarily. Probably a girl that has his same interests in engineering or math or whatever he likes and can actually have a conversation with him about stuff like that.

Actually, I see him as a guy who'd probably not have a girlfriend at all and not because he couldn't get one but because he's not looking for one. I'm probably making outlandish conclusions here but I think he's probably way more focused on his schoolwork. I wonder if he even sees that girls like him though. Maybe he does know. I feel like he does because of the way he smiles... It's a gorgeous and shy kind of smile with just a bit of cockiness in it.

Psh... Like I said, I'm probably making outlandish conclusions.

But I do think my friend would be better off with The Poet. I think they look together and they have chemistry. I've never seen her interact with Pretty Smile so I can't really judge as closely as I am but I think I am pretty correct in my perspectives and I think her pursuits are a lost cause. I won't tell her that though. And I don't think I'll need to. In time, she'll probably notice for herself. I hope The Poet likes her as much as she does because I think they'd make a great couple.

My second point that I wanted to make is that I love when my friends have crushes because it takes my mind off of my own problems. I secretly like that I feel more attracted to Pretty Smile because it means that I stop thinking about The Guy a bit less. I think I'm getting closer to just forgetting about The Guy.

But not entirely, of course. I do this thing where I use Solitaire to predict my future. I ask a question in my mind such as: "Will I get my first kiss next year?" or "Will I have a date to the prom?" And then whether I win or lose the solitaire game determines the answer to the question. (Btw. I got a no for both questions. -_-) And the game has had about an 85% correct prediction percentage. So I kind of trust it. Kind of.

It still blows me that I thought I would have a class with The Guy because of the solitaire game and then I ended up having NONE. Not even on the first day of school when my schedule was totally screwed up. And then he has an AM internship while I have a PM internship so basically, the solitaire game was wrong from the beginning of the summer.

I'm secretly hoping that Solitaire made a wrong prediction in my first kiss question because really!? No first kiss?! But I guess it's realistic. I'll be going off to college by August and I probably won't be settled in until about a month. If I do even meet a guy that likes, it would take a while for me and him to even get to the stage where I can expect for him to kiss me. So meh. I'll stop being bitter. And for the prom question one, I guess I already expected that anyway. Though I still hope that Solitaire was wrong.

And again, I digressed. But basically, I used the solitaire game to ask whether The Guy would break up with his girlfriend before prom. Well, I won the solitaire game. And yes, I was a bit giddy. I'm an evil person. I feel like it's highly unlikely because they seem to be the type of people with very amiable personalities. The Guy seems to be the quiet type, one that doesn't seem to like to get into any unneeded arguments. And then, his girlfriend seems to be the focused type. She's too focused on her future to be bothered with petty stuff.

But what I have noticed is how clingy he seems to be. And AGAIN, I may be making outlandish conclusions but he seems to like her more than she seems to like him. Sometimes, when I got to sign out to go to my internship, I seem him and his girlfriend there and sometimes, he's just waiting by her while she's actually trying to talking to someone and she's a popular girl everyone talks to her. And every time I see either of them, they're TOGETHER except for the very few times I don't. During those times, she's probably doing something leader-y like being the head of a committee or being vice-president or whatever. She ain't got no time for no man to be clingy.

Basically, what I'm trying to say that if they do break up, WHICH WOULD PROBABLY NOT EVEN HAPPEN, it would probably because he's too clingy. And right now, I think they're still in the honeymoon relationship phase but if my solitaire game is correct, according to my theory, the clingyness will get too much and she'll dump his a**.

Now that I think about it. I wonder if I'd even be happy about it. He'll probably find some girl that's not me that's just as pretty and perfect as she is. Basically someone that's not me. Wow. This just dawned on me. I won't even be any happier that he's single because why would I be?! He doesn't like me. He doesn't like me. He doesn't like me.

I asked solitaire if he did like me. Remember? And it said he did. What if solitaire was and is correct? What if he does kinda like me? What if my solitaire cards were right about him being in my class? Maybe we'll end up going to same college together and we'll end up in the same lecture hall. How creepy would that be?

I'm just making outlandish conclusions. That's all it is.

I have a Bio test to study for tomorrow and Stat homework to do. I'm pretty sure I'm failing Stat right now. I forgot to do my homework in the class and I failed a quiz and I got Cs on my last two tests. The class isn't even hard which is why I don't understand why I'm not doing well. Ugh.

Bye for now. I need to take a shower.