Be True to Thine Self.

I have a dilemma. Several dilemmas actually.

But I'll begin with the one that sits staunchly in my mind.

So, today I saw the financial aid package that UMD had given me and it sucked balls. No scholarships. Just a nice unsubsidized loan of $5000. I told my dad that the only thing holding me back from applying to Temple was my financial aid package from UMD. Now that I've got it, and it sucked, I guess I've made my final decision.

But then earlier, I was really truly thinking about whether I want to go to Temple. First of all, it's an urban campus. I've said it many times before that I don't think I want to go to school on a urban campus. But here I am. Second of all, I don't think I like Philadelphia. I wish I had explored Philadelphia (all parts of it) even longer so that I could be absolutely sure whether or not I like the city. But I didn't get that opportunity. I've been to Philadelphia before like, 4 years ago. It was during an 8th grade field trip and we explore the historical areas of Philly and I remember liking it enough. I just don't know. Also, the school isn't as prestigious as the other schools I applied and got accepted into. I feel like I'm settling for less because of a scholarship. I didn't even get to visit Chapel Hill or UVA. They are both nice schools without the urban campus and maybe, I'll fit better there.

I could possibly visit. But I'm on a time crunch. If I visit, it'll be at least a week from now and if decide I don't like Chapel Hill or UVA, I would have to pay my housing deposit for Temple and possibly get stuck with sucky dorms. I'm already late already. If I pay my deposit, then go to Chapel Hill or UVA and end up loving it, I'll live with the regret of choosing a school I didn't really want.

Another issue is the money. Yes, it'll be cheaper to go to Temple. Yes, my parents have three other siblings to pay college for. But should I sacrifice my wants for my siblings? I have the opportunity to go to a prestigious school and I must sacrifice it for my siblings? I may be the only one in the family to go to a good school seeing how my siblings are going right now in school.

But then again, there's always graduate school. If I do really well at Temple, I can apply to a good graduate school. And if I successfully get my degree, most likely in Health Information Management, then I can also pay my way through graduate school or medical school or pharmacy school or whatever I do.

I think I'm talking my way back to liking Temple again.

If only Temple was more of a traditional campus...

Man, I was walking through UMD and from my shuttle bus stop to my house, and I couldn't help but notice how much I love College Park. I loved the green fields and how the students laid on the grass to relax or study. I love the little stores scattered around. I love the houses in my neighborhood. There's a cute house that's being put up for sale two doors down from my house and I would love to live there, even if I had to go to UMD.

And I've talked myself out of Temple once again.

I read somewhere that you should go to a school where you wouldn't mind working. So was it a mistake for me to choose Temple University? From that one-day experience, I don't think I'd ever want to live and work in Philadelphia. I'd rather come back home to Maryland and work in D.C. like my parents do. I wouldn't mind living in D.C. either. In certain parts of the city, the neighborhoods are quite adorable.

Like, I just searched up townhouses in D.C. and then, townhouses in Philadelphia.

Townhouse in Philly.

Townhouse in D.C.

This may not be a good comparison but the Philly picture is probably the best I saw out of the selection on Google Images. And the townhouse in the D.C. picture is probably one of more mediocre ones. But even still, I think the D.C. townhouses have more of a charm.

Ugh. I'm just gonna get my dad to pay the deposit already. I just need to get this over with once and for all.

Ha. All this thinking about college has made me forget about all the other things on my mind. Oh well. It was probably something about being fat and school.

I need all the blessings and luck I can get. I really want to get back to praying again but I feel so detached from religion. I feel like a traitor. I've just forgotten Christianity completely. I want to believe in God because I really can't bear all of this. I just want there to be someone who's out there looking out for me and pointing me to the right direction.

But if I can say one thing, I really think signs are pointing to Temple. With the scholarship, the seemingly perfect major in HIM that I can't get anywhere else, and the incident with UMD and my priority application... I think I was meant to go there. I also like cherry red.

I think it's time that I pay this money and become an Owl.