I don't know what I mean by what I wrote in the heading. I think I do but please excuse me anyways.
I wrote in my last post that I found out about some things these past few days but I didn't write anything about it because I don't like putting superficial things next to serious matters.
Abuse is a popular word in our society, isn't it?
I know what abuse is. I have never been abused but I know what it is. I probably couldn't entirely capture how it feels to be abused but I know it isn't pleasant. Sorry for such an immature way of putting it but IT'S NOT PLEASANT. (Excuse me again for anyone besides myself who reads this. It's too late in the night. Just the right time for spewing out nonsense.)
What strikes me is how abuse could happen to anyone and could be inflicted by anyone. Abuse shows no bounds apparently. I could be abused right now and come to school just as I have always been and no one would've known as long as I hid the scars (speaking figuratively and literally here).
I guess I'll talk about the first case.
There was this married couple that regularly went to my church some years ago. The couple were fairly young, at least to me. They weren't my parents age. The husband was tall and thin and was a very outspoken man in the church. He seemed like a good guy. Excited and happy to be a part of the church. I remember he tried to start a choir (unsuccessfully) but he did lead the Sabbath school.
The wife is tall with a nice body. She dressed nice, always had her hair done, had her heels done, make-up done. She seemed like a happy member of the church.
The two have two daughters. One is only a year older than my sister. And the other one was a baby. Today, the oldest one is way taller than me. And the baby seems to be getting so much older every time they come to church.
Suddenly, they stopped coming to church regularly. More specifically, the wife and the children stopped coming to church regular. But the husband stayed.
And then soon, it seemed as if they had grown apart but not really. You couldn't tell if you didn't look closely. I mean, my dad came with us to church without my mom who was working. And vice versa. So sometimes that's how it worked. But that's not how it worked for the couple obviously.
My mom found out on Saturday that the two had a divorce 4 years ago. I already knew, though I can't pinpoint when or how I found out. What I didn't know was why they had a divorce which I figured was some petty thing like irreconcilable differences. I wish it had been.
My mom said the man had been abusive and choked the woman. The woman called the police like 10 times. Mind you, they have two children. I'm not sure if they had witnessed it all but how couldn't they have?
That shocked me that the man could've done something like that. Actually no, I wasn't 100% shocked. For some reason, when my mom told me what happened, I had this feeling like I probably could've seen the abusive signs. I'm not sure. Whenever I think about it, I think back to this time the church had its monthly potluck and the man sat not far from me. He probably was next to me if I remember correctly.
He got into this heated discussion with this woman about how babies born to "bad" parents who die during infancy go straight to hell. And the woman couldn't believe something like that. He gave some quote in the Bible to justify his statement but I still couldn't agree myself. Though I was listening, I didn't anything. But I was a little angry, at him for even bring it up and for the fact that if it was true, that would be so cruel. And the way he said it, it seemed like he was purposely trying to portray God as some cruel God.
I don't know... But I did get a weird feeling from him. But it's not like it changed what I thought about him as this good and religious man. So the woman felt the need to tell the pastor and things happened and the man moved out of the area. I probably may never see him again though I think I may.
The next case... a woman who I will call Auntie Julie. So when my sister and I were younger, we and a bunch of other girls would come to her house and learn a dance for some upcoming event in my parent's Nigerian community. It was fun and we got to sleepover on a few cases. The one who taught us the dances were her two daughters but mostly her youngest daughter. They were lovely. Auntie Julie has two other children who are guys.
I had never seen their father and I'm pretty sure I thought he was just at work all the time. I'm sure I thought he was just in Nigeria. That happens. And then my most recent assumption was that he probably died. But honestly, I never thought about it much. I'm not sure if I ever thought of divorce as possibility.
Apparently, that's what it was anyway. My sister said that my grandmother said that Auntie Julie's husband was abusive. My sister didn't go into details, not like I wanted her to but she said that the man moved out and re-married but never had anymore children. It's sad because all his children grew up to be pretty amazing people.
I don't wanna talk about it anymore but I just wanted to have it out. And there it is.
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