School closed and the campus closed. All my plans were in vain. I didn't get to run my participant. I didn't get to work at the library. I didn't get to go to the mall to finally exchange my sweater. I didn't get to have one day just for me.
Because it just HAD to snow.
If I think of the benefits, at least I don't I have to do a whole bunch of make-up work. And I don't have to miss a lesson in Organic Chemistry (that has to be the worst). And... yeah. That's where it ends.
I'm currently messaging this FAFSA guy because I made a mistake on my FAFSA and he's taking awhile to respond. Ugh...
I'm so confused about life though. The school I want to go to... the major I want to do... the life I want after all of this is done...
I'm too young for all of this. I really am.
I still have homework to do too. UGHHH.
Okay, I got the answer I wanted from the FAFSA guy but the system started to act up before I could say 'Thank you'. So I just exited. I hope that doesn't affect my financial aid amount. That would suck.
I actually can't wait to go back to school. I've been eating too much food and I've been thinking about college. If I'm back at school again, doing school stuff, I'll be thinking about school stuff and my priorities will be a little bit more straight and yeah...
Right now, I've just been thinking about how I'll decorate my dorm, what to bring to college, what I would eat, how I would get along with my roommate, what clothes I would wear, what boys I'll meet... The boys... I've been definitely thinking about the boys.
Is this bad? I kinda wanna have a few hook-ups in college. You know, a few here and there. Nothing too serious. No sex or anything. Just a few pecks and what not and it'll be the end of the night.
At least thinking about college guys gets my mind off of The Guy. Ugh, he is still cute and he is still going out with that perfect b****. And I still see their a**es almost every day.
*growls*
One thing I don't plan on doing is drinking alcohol though. I don't know. I really can't see myself being that type of person. My dad drinks a bit on special occasions and my mom almost NEVER drinks, and maybe that's why I think this way... I don't know. The thought of losing my sense and reason is kind of off-putting to me. I don't think I'll ever get high either. I have asthma and smoking is a death sentence for me. Maybe if I do try drinking, I'll drink in the comforts of my dorm or my friend's dorm, with all girls, close pals, Friday nights, no regrets kind of think.
We'll probably stay up laughing like hyenas at stupid or do stupid things like slide down the hallway in our underwear or something. But nothing that could get us pregnant or killed, you know?
You know, I found out that The Guy was trying to apply to UVA awhile ago. This was back in my stalking days not like it was that "back" ago. And to be honest, I wonder if he got in. My New Years Resolution was to not set my foot in The Guy's twitter ever again and I'm going to keep to it. And no, it really wasn't a resolution but I know I need to get over my obsession with this guy and going on his twitter will not help me the least bit. I truly wanna know if he got into any good schools but by forcing myself not to go on his twitter, I can't figure it out and I have to force myself to forget about him.
I'll begin going on his twitter again if we somehow become friends in the span of the few months we have left of being in the same school which is highly improbable. Though I'd be happy if it somehow happened. But since it won't, I will not set my hopes up for it and I will do everything in my power to forget him.
While I'm on the subject, I should probably do other things to forget him. Like stop rushing to sign out just so I can get a glance of his face and stop looking for his face and body in the hallway. Maybe I should try making friends with his girlfriend so I don't have such animosity towards her. I don't think that would ever happen but it's an idea. I could avoid going straight to my locker so that I don't accidentally see him, which I do already. On Mondays, when I stay after school, I'll completely avoid his group of friends and stop looking over to their little exclusive high-society group in order to see his face.
I could find another crush... But I can't tell you how hard it is to find a crush and I don't really want a crush anyway. There's no one I really like. No one at all. I kind of like it that way and it's easy to keep it that way when you're barely in the school on a regular basis and when you intern in an area that's comprised of mostly women.
I just need to stop caring and I have to force myself to. I think the best thing is to focus on myself FOR myself. Wear clothes that I like, not because other people may like it. Eat healthy and exercise for MYSELF. Clear my skin for MYSELF. Get good grades and study FOR MYSELF.
Yes, being skinny is something I would want. But I need to stop thinking that I should be skinny because more guys will me like. Instead, I should be thinking, I want to be skinny so that I can look good in the clothes I like. So that I can look in the mirror and be happy at what I see.
I want to get good grades because I like having good grades and I want to learn. I don't want good grades just because my parents will praise me for it and because that's what colleges want. It shouldn't just be that way.
UGH. Why can't I just do my homework? Okay, I'm gonna do my homework right after finishing this post... and reading up on Towson on Niche.
Hopefully, I can stick to the goals I've set for myself.
BYEEE.
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