The thing is, I'm pretty sure I have work to do and I can't even remember what... Homework in English...? Maybe homework in Stat? Did I have anything in Orgo? RP? Bio? Do I have a test in Bio?!
Psh. Whatever. I'll do it tomorrow.
The plan is that I get there by like 9... Leave at 12. Go to the library from 12 to 1. Catch a bus after 1. Go to the mall and exchange my hoodie if I can. Get a snack or lunch or something. Be home by 3... Maybe go to the library before that. Who knows? And loaf for the rest of the day or something.
Life will be so good. AND the shuttle buses will be running too! SO no paying $1.80 for a stupid bus!!!
I'm really bored right now so I think I'm going to make a spreadsheet of the schools that I have gotten into and make a pros and cons thing for it. I'm such a weirdo. I don't think I'll do it for all 15 schools. I'll probably cut it down to 10 schools. I'll most likely take out Case Western Reserve, Howard, Scranton... But then again, I wanna leave them so I can include schools that are just a heck no.
I'll start on that after this post.
I want to re-invent my style when college begins. I wanna dress more like how I've always wanted to. I've always wanted to have a darker, edgier style and I think I have the darker part in check. Most of what I wear is gray and black. But I realized that it's not a good idea to wear just black and gray. I would expand my clothing color palette a bit. I'll still wear darker colors but, I would wear greens, reds, purples, and blues because I like those colors. If I do wear light colors, I would stick to white or pale pinks and tans. I want to wear more blouses but I also want to wear more regular t-shirts. I want more cardigans and colorful hoodies. I need more pants that fit me and definitely more shoes. Before school, I thought I wanted to go for the skater look but I realized that I don't like wear sneakers all the time and they don't even go with everything. I want to wear more boots: ankle boots and lace up boots. I want pretty bohemian-like sandals. Some unique looking ballet flats and slip-on shoes.
I also need to lose weight. I want to wear tank tops without worrying about my back fat and pudgy stomach. And I say this as I'm eating a chocolate chip cookie. I want to wear more shorts too.
I also want to look somewhat sophisticated and put together.
And this is so wrong to go from something as... I don't know how to call it... Vain? Yeah. I don't want to go from something as vain as weight and fashion to what I'm about to talk about right now, but I will. Sorry.
Today, my family and I attended a funeral. I didn't mention the death at all even though I knew about it for days now. I've been too busy talking about myself. But sometimes, you have to acknowledge that there's more to life than yourself.
Well, an accident happened near my church where a car skidded on some ice and drove through a store and hit someone waiting for the bus at the same time. The person flew 10 feet up into the air and hit the ground (apparently) and was rushed to the hospital but he ended up dying anyway. I didn't know this part of the story until I went to church on Saturday but my mother told me that a member of our church died. But she told me this earlier in the week. She said it was in a car accident but I figured the guy was probably in the influence of drugs and was probably behind the wheel.
It was on the way to church that my dad told me about the other incident about a car hitting some guy waiting at the bus stop and said he heard it on the news so he had to go another direction in order to get to work. He didn't make the connection between the church member and this accident. We all didn't make the connection until my pastor explained it during the church service that Saturday.
I could barely remember the guy but I definitely knew the family. His sisters used to regularly come to the church and I even talked to the one of the girls before when we used to go to Family Fun Night. But yeah... It was sad. One of the sisters is my age but I can't imagine losing my brother at that age.
It was an open casket funeral and it was the first time I had ever been so close to a dead body. I just glanced at the body. I probably looked at it for a millisecond to be very honest with you. I didn't feel right looking at it. I would hate to see my family member sitting in a box like that because the person isn't even there. It's like a sick mockery. Maybe my view would be different if I was in that position. It's not something I would like to think about though. But I thought it was disrespectful for me to look at his body. As if I'm invading someone's privacy. Like, how dare you look at me when I'm not breathing anymore? How dare you look at me when you get to live for another day while I'll be rotting under the ground?
How dare I do such a thing?
Things like this, when they hit to close to home, make you realize the inevitability and coldness of death. Once you're gone, you're gone. But then these ideas fade and you live life as you used to and it takes another incident to wake you up again. The cycle probably doesn't stop until it's your own loved one.
I don't need to make myself depressed right now. In fact, this should be a reason for me to live life to the fullest, to be happier, etc.
I'm going to stop now and do things that aren't as important as what I should be doing.
Buh-bye.
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