God, Are You Trying To Tell Me Something?

Thank God, it's Friday.

Today started off pretty well. More than well, actually. In my Computer Graphics class, we had to print out the 8 concentrations we had completed so far and showcase them to the rest of the class. I was so nervous about mine and I practically stared at it the whole time 

My teacher made us walk around the table and look at each other's concentrations and write checks and stuff for feedback. People kept complimenting mines and if I was white, I would've totally been blushing. They were being too nice. I just wanted to hide myself in a blanket because I was embarrassed. But it was still nice to be complimented on my artwork like that. It made feel less inadequate than I've been feeling these days.

But even so, my self-esteem has still been pretty low and even at this moment it's pretty low. 

I'll just cut to the chase because really, I just want to update you on my crush because it's been messing with my mind all day. I took a short nap after I came from this physics presentation and when I woke up, I didn't wanna get up. I started rolling in bed and I kept thinking of him. He's destroying my life, I tell you.

I saw a lot more of him today than I've ever before. The only time I see him is usually after lunch when I go to my locker and he goes to his. And at the end of the school day, when we go to our lockers and then on the bus. 

But today, every time I saw him, I was with my friend who confronted him about the candy gram the other day. Coincidence or no? First, it was when I was going outside to my World History class and my friend decided to walk me there. Okay, so she occasionally walks me there. It's not a one time thing. But it just so happens that once we both get downstairs, my crush walks by at the same time. And then he's walking behind us and my friend was like, "This is your chance to fix things!" By fixing things, she means convincing him that it isn't actually my friend that likes him.

I assured her that I will tell him, just not now. The second time was when I was walking back into the building to go to AP Chemistry. I always cross paths with that same friend. And when I was walking past, I playfully shoved her and then I noticed that my crush was walking right behind her. Like wut?

And then the last time was after lunch, when we went to my locker and I was going to tell him right then. Me and my friend waited there for awhile. At it just so happened that he decided to be late to his locker that day. And so right when we left the hallway, he came in. I was pissed off. And then my friend tried to get me to go back around and tell him right then, but we were like a minute before being late to class and I thought it would be totally weird. I assured again, I would do it after school on the bus.

Well this kid totally ruined my life. Almost. I saw him once again in the hallway as I packed to go to the bus. I was expecting to see him outside but I never saw him. And then the bus came and I went in and I don't know if he was on the bus and was just hiding out from me or if he never rode the bus in the first place. 

And now I'm totally convinced he's doing this on purpose. He is so frustrating! This is gonna bother me this whole weekend. I keep replaying what I could've said and what I could've done. 

God, are you trying to tell me something? Is this guy really a total douchebag that I need to stay away from? What is it? 

I don't know... So I'll leave at here. I keep telling myself that it's okay to make a fool of myself. I'm in high school. Nobody will remember this 10 years from now. If I die before then, oh well. I don't care anymore. I don't care about being awkward or weird anymore. I'm just gonna straight up tell him on Monday. And that'll be that.

Peace and Sandwiches.