Trouble In Lovers' Heaven.

I'm just being extra. Maybe I shouldn't make my blog so public because I'm a bonafide stalker and I don't need everyone knowing that.

But yeah... As you probably know, I'm really not over The Guy. So of course, I still get a little giddy when I pass by him in the hallway and I still think of him. Even when he has that girlfriend on his arm, my crush does not waiver.

I was walking to the classroom where I go sign out to go to my internship and I noticed that The Guy's girlfriend left the classroom before The Guy and he was by himself and it made question marks go off in my head. He posted some stuff on Twitter saying, "Why does she always jump to conclusions" and "I f***ed up". He even re-tweeted this vine about exes. But the posts (not the Vine) were in mid-November and I'm pretty sure he and her were still all couple-y then.

So I think my imagination is just running wild and I want to think that something is happening between them. But if I was being very objective about it, I can see how wrong I could be. His girlfriend is popular and has friends and is the vice-president (or president?) of the 12th grade class. So she can't always be stuck to his hip. And he's evidently more of the quiet type so it wouldn't make sense for him to walk with her friends if he doesn't talk to them. That's most likely the reason why they didn't walk out together. (Even though it seems that they walk out together most of the time). Maybe he realized how clingy he looked so he backed off. Maybe in those Twitter posts he was talking about his mom. And as a senior, there so many things you can f*** up. I f*** up ALL the time.

But it's that season again. The candy gram season. It brings back those junior year memories of teenaged giggles and stalking my crush at the locker. It was exactly last year around this time that I decided to send him an anonymous candy gram. It was the move that lead to my spiral to insanity. My efforts were in vain. My heart was crushed when I found out that the cutest boy that I have ever laid my eyes upon was already taken by some other girl. Some perfect little pretty other girl.

Ugh. I was such an embarrassment during my junior year.

I still kinda wonder who he thinks sent that candy gram. Was their any indication that it was me? Maybe those times when our eyes met as I was staring at the back of his head on the bus. Or maybe I was just imagining that? Does it even matter anymore?

I wish I could just be perfect without trying. I wish I could stop eating like an ogre. I wish I could have clear skin. I wish I had beautiful hair. I wish I wore stylish clothes. I wish I was effortlessly funny and cool.

But I can't and I'm not and I won't.

I'm buying three candy grams this year. All to my closest friends ever. I'm not sending any stupid anonymous candy gram this year.

Down with stupid crushes.