Where do I start.. How about I start with boys? I haven't talked about boys in a few good days. lol.
So today, I got to go to a Chemistry class and talk to the kids about taking AP Chemistry and stuff. I only signed up for it to get out of class because I'm so shy and I can't talk in front of people. It wasn't nerve wracking being in front of people, I just had really nothing to say. But it was cool nevertheless.
There was this kid in the class that I have seen around school who I always thought was cute. He's a sophomore and the first time I ever realized he existed was a few months ago when I was in the cafeteria line and some kid didn't seem to get the idea of personal space. He wasn't shoving into me, just a bit too close, especially since there wasn't even much people in the line. I didn't get it. And I looked up and saw his face and suddenly, it was okay.
I never really made a big deal about him. I still won't know. But oh my gosh, standing up in the front of class, with a good view of his face, made me realize that yeah... he's really freakin' cute.
Coincidentally, next period was lunch, and my friend and I found ourselves behind him in the snack line. And my friend started pointing at him in our girl code way and mouthed, "He's cute!" I knew she would do it before we even got to the line. We have similar tastes in guys and I was like, "I know!"
As usual, it was hot in the snack line. I told my friend that it was hot. And me, in my shameless way proceeded to say, "I think I know why it's so hot." It was loud enough for him to hear but it was okay. No shame. My friend started laughing. It's weird because he kept glancing back at us, but I can't tell if it was because we were being obnoxious or if we just seemed to have a good conversation. I thought he was going to ask us something but he never did.
The weirdest thing was when this other kid I knew asked me if I knew the price of a Hot Pocket. And I was like, I had no idea, probably like $1.50 or something. And then I pointed to a sign that was behind the cutie and was like, "It's probably up there." It wasn't. It was just the price of ice cream but I noticed the cutie looked behind him right when I said it as if he was partly in the convo or something.
If it was someone else, I would've been like, mind your own business, in my mind, of course. But no. Not for him.
And he seems like he's a total sweetheart. Not a blockhead and douchebag like a lot of the cute guys that are around. I'm not sure why I think so though. Maybe the way he holds himself, they way he acted during the whole AP Chem presentation earlier? I don't know. I think I'll push my friend into him if I get the chance.
Okay, so I'm practically writing a book report about this dude. Let me stop. He's not even a big crush. I'm a lesbian, remember?
Now let's talk about Frederick Douglass. Let's get African American history in this hood. We're reading his biography in English class, and let me tell you first that it is an interesting book. I never realized how amazing the guy actually was until we began reading it last week.
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| My boy, Freddy DoGo. |
So other than that, I kind of dislike reading this book because it make me angry. The depictions of the slaves' treatment just angers me so much. The worst part of it all is that it all happened. The one that upset me the most was I think, in Chapter 2 or even Chapter 1. And Douglass talks about how is aunt was beat after going out in the evening to see some dude. And the master stripped the woman from neck to waist. Placed her arms on a hook on the ceiling. And beat her with cowskin until the blood came. The description was so amazing and heart wrenching. I kept imagining a girl screaming and being jerked around from each pounding of the cowskin and blood spraying on the floor after every hit. It was insane the feelings I got it. My heart was pounding and it was like a mixture of sadness and rage.
I was so done. I wanted to stop reading. But I couldn't because it was so tantalizing. The other one horrible one. Way worse actually was when Douglass talked about how a master's wife killed a slave girl after she fell asleep one night when she was supposed to be looking after the baby. The baby cried and the girl didn't hear the baby. So the master's wife came in a beat the girl so bad that she broke her nose and her breastbone and the girl died. The master's wife would've been on trial and put to prison, but no, that never happened.
It was so horrible. It's such a good book. You realize how intelligent Douglass is and that's the only hope you get from the book. At least he got out to tell the story. I didn't know that he basically tricked his way into teaching himself how to read and write. Freakin' amazing.
There's a bunch more to talk about. I don't if I want to fit it all here... :/ Meh. Might as well.
And something enraging happened today in Spanish class. We were playing bingo with flashcards in Spanish and if you won, you got a homework pass. The girl sitting behind me was straight up cheating and switching her cards around. She ended up "winning" the first round. Everyone around her knew it and I laughed along with them though inside, I was annoyed. Everyone else was doing trying to get the homework pass the truthful way and here she was just cheating her way through it. Did she have any integrity? Obviously not because she pulled the same trickery the second round to get another flashcard and I was not having it. And this girl next to me obviously was not either because she told. In front of everyone.
And it was big fiasco. And the cheating girl was getting mad and started talking chiz about the girl who told her on right there and out loud. Calling her b**** and everything. It made no sense because she was the b**** for cheating. And when the girl who told on her confronted her, the girl who cheated was telling her to shut up and threatening to fight her. I'm glad she told and I wish I could've told her right then but I didn't have the balls. I was going to tell her on the bus but she wasn't there. It's weird because sometimes she could be annoying, but I was really proud of her then and there.
I was contemplating snitching myself, but of course not out loud in front of everyone. I wonder if it's the Godly thing to tell when someone is doing bad or if it's okay to shut up about it. I don't know. As a black girl, I know that people don't play when it comes to snitching. You just don't do it unless you want to die.
And as I type this, I think about the Douglass book and he talks about how the slaves claimed they were content with their lives because if they said otherwise, they face the consequences Meaning they were resold and ripped apart from their families and probably even worse. It's probably why black people today uphold that ideal.
I kind of want to talk about The Stupid Crush but I don't if I should. I have a feeling he reads my blog. Ha ha. Very unlikely, I know, but I feel like when I do right about him, things just reverse. And I don't know. I guess I just should. There's really nothing to lose.
He sat in the bus seat adjacent to mines which I thought was weird when there was a perfectly good seat away from me, I think. I kind of took it like a truce or like a symbol or something. Like, "I don't actually think you're a psycho anymore so I'm sitting next to you to signify that". I don't know. Remember, I was pretty sure he hated me and thought I was a stalker. But in the past few days and weeks, I've been seeing him less and I've bumping into him less and it's probably because I don't care about him much anymore. Just great.
So enough of that. My bus driver almost missed my stop again but luckily, I got up before he left my street. And he saw me and ended up dropping me off right in front of my house. So now everyone on the bus knows where I live. Great. Especially The Stupid Crush. Gah. And some kid came off my bus stop too which was so weird. This happened once before with some other girl and it weirds me out because no one lives in my neighborhood except me and three other people who get off at a different spot. I'm the only one at my bus stop, both in the morning and the afternoon so where the heck are these people going and coming from? I don't know.
This is getting long and I have SAT Practice and Computer Graphics stuff to do.
Peace & Integrity.
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