Those Cry Your Self To Sleep Days.

You know that feeling you get when you just want to cry and it seems like it's for no reason but it's actual for so many reasons. I felt like that today when I came from school and was lying down on my bed, trying to take a nap but couldn't. I did horrible on my Calculus test. I got a 68 and it makes me so upset because I thought I did okay. I never do as good as I think I do on my Calculus tests. I was expecting at least a C. But of course it will never happen. 

Just like all those times I thought I got a 100 and ended up getting a 90. I totally don't get what's wrong with me when it comes to that class. I don't understand why I make stupid mistakes all the time. 

I make stupid mistakes in everything actually.

Even in the classes I'm good at. Like Physics and Chemistry. 

The only thing I like about school right now are my friends, okay, all except one. They are all amazing people and I'm so lucky to have them. I've never really expressed my appreciation for my friends. But I truly do love them and they do a lot for me. And though I may not have many friends anymore, it's fine with me. 

I think my failures in Calculus are a sign from God though I can't say I know what he's trying to tell me. Maybe he's telling me to abandon my tutor. I don't know... I always seem to do better when I study on my own. And it's not like I understand better when I study by myself, I just do end up doing better. I wish I had Calculus earlier in the day. Maybe that's why I screw myself over like that all the time. 

Even though I'm a complete failure in Calculus, I know God is with me. I just know it. Yesterday, I was supposed to go to a class to meet with a teacher in regards to my internship. I knew it was supposed to be yesterday but I expected there to be like an announcement or something and I forgot my phone in my locker, so I couldn't go and read back the e-mail to see what was up. After school was when I found out I was supposed to meet with her like 3rd period or something and I went up to her class and it was locked. I sent her an e-mail apologizing for not being able to attend but I found out today that she was actually out sick. I was so relieved because I was sure that it would've lowered my chances to get an internship even lower because I was unorganized and irresponsible. So thank God. And so what happens now is that I meet her 6th or 7th period tomorrow. 6th period is my lunch but I'll probably end up doing 7th period because it's a chance to miss class. Boo yah!

I'm procrastinating big time though I don't really have much homework to do except I have to study big time for the test tomorrow in Physics. It's on Static Electricity and there's just way too many formulas, I can't. 

I feel like my journal posts have been slacking in interesting topics. All I talk about is boys and school. I mean, isn't that what I've always talked about? Or is this new? I don't know. 

So I need a plan in order to skip Computer Graphics. I may fake a short asthma attack or something. I have nothing for her to look at tomorrow because I failed to take new photos... I really do not want to go to that class tomorrow. 

Peace & Fatalities.