Just Kiss Me Already.

My obsession has not wavered. I am still constantly thinking about The Guy. I can't think of anything without thinking about him. Sometimes, I'll imagine myself as the best guitarist to the best band of the world and then I imagine what he would think. Or I'll be doing college applications and staring at my SAT scores and wondering what his could be.

It's not like it's a new thing. I have always been thinking about him. It's just now that I've realized how abnormal it is. Especially when the crush in question is someone who HAS a girlfriend and I hardly see him at school.

Yesterday, I tried really hard not to think about The Guy. I tried my hardest. But of course, that was the day I would see him. Of ALL days. He came through the main hallway as I was about to merge into it.

I noticed a few quirky things about him. He kind of always has this permanent smirk on his face when he's just walking through the hallways. Almost like he's high. Or maybe he just does it when I'm around to taunt me or something. I don't know. And also, he walks weird. He kind of bobs and swings as if he's listening to music. It's pretty cute actually. Weird but cute.

And I find myself wondering about his intellect. He was one of the semi-finalists for the National Merit Scholar thing. And he was one of the juniors chosen for the Junior Awards. He's in NHS. He took advanced language classes. He's an intern. Blah blah blah... I have never had a class with him before so it just bewilders me. He's almost too cute to be a nerd. I can't imagine him opening his books weeks before a test to study. Or maybe he's just one of those kids that are naturally smart. And then, he seems like he doesn't care. Okay, I'm sure he cares. But more like, "Oh, I got a 2100? Whatever... What schools am I applying to? Meh. UVA? UMD? I don't know."

And then there's me with my stupid 1980, freaking out about every single class, every college application, every little thing. I just... I can't.

I think about The Guy too much. God, I'm asking you again! Let him kiss me or let me forget him. Because I cannot deal with this any longer.

I should probably update you about the other shiz in my life. But really, it's all the same. College applications are due in ONE day. So there's gonna be major work-doing in the library tomorrow. I'm getting myself a medium pumpkin spice latte instead of a small one. And I'll lug around my laptop too. Hopefully, I'll get a seat at the library. It's highly unlikely since the library is always hella full.

Also, I probably won't be getting that 5.0. But my GPA for the first quarter will be a 4.83. Apparently, Internship is not weighted. But I got my 0s fixed with my RP Teacher and with all my As. So I'm content.

Humans can never be satisfied. I'm sitting here, thinking about that 4.83 and wondering why the heck I can't get a 5.0. I've done the best I could do and the best I could do was actually the best and I still want better. It's crazy. It really is...

So I should be getting off of the computer. I have major studying to do for the Math Subject Test on Saturday. I can't believe it's so close.

There's also a good possibility that I'll be taking the December SAT. I don't want to study all over again. But I will. I just have to. I'll start studying for it next week. I'll just start taking all the practice tests and I'll focus a lot on Writing and Critical Reading this time. I'm seeing a lot of negatives about taking the SAT three times. So it's a big maybe.

I need to go study. So BYE.