Scaring Boys Away.

Today was such an interesting day. Did I even go to school? I-I can't remember.

So today was the last day for seniors and as a member of SADD, I was obligated to help with their senior surveys and Prom Promises. All the seniors were in the cafeteria and we were supposed to pass out surveys and pencils to them. I was nervous at first but it really wasn't that bad. I saw the seniors from my Computer Graphics class and they all said hi to me and a bunch of the seniors were REALLY nice even though they didn't know me at all. It felt good.

I saw a few cute seniors in the crowd. Obviously, they all didn't care about me because I was merely a junior and they were all almost adults. But it was okay.

Things got bad after we had to collect their Prom Promises and give them their goody bags. These grown-a** people were getting super rude and wild for two mints, a tattoo, a ribbon, and a sticker. I was getting super annoyed because my friend and I couldn't collect and give out to everyone at once but of course, they didn't understand. It got to a point where tables of 17 and 18 years olds were shouting at us. They all needed to calm themselves.

It was okay after because my friends and I stole some mints for ourselves and got a free packet of fudge cookies (which I left in my locker). It was already after 2nd period and 3rd period had started. I had abandoned one of my friends (and I know she's mad at me now so I'll have to apologize through text one of these days) and I helped clean up. My friend and I were already excused from 3rd period so we decided to just skip the entire period. We saw a bunch of kids sitting under a tree eating lunch so I decided to sit with them for awhile and eat a few oranges with my friend.

We parted ways and went to our own 4th period. Somewhere before that time though, we saw my "father" and he was all okay. We hugged him and gave him his prints. I wanted to color something for him but I couldn't find my tablet last night and Photoshop was being slow and I was tired so I didn't.

During 4th period, I listened to my teacher talk about the Korean War and the Vietnam War while I doodled on my warm-up sheet.

During 5th period, we made lollipops! The process was kind of slow. We basically just mixed liquid sucrose,  sugar, and water together and had it burning on a buxom burner stove. We colored it red with food coloring and flavored it with raspberry extract. After the lollipop finished cooking and I poured the stuff on the sticks, everything just got better. I just felt happier even though I was before (just extremely bored and kind of lonely). Candy makes everything better, doesn't it? People started coming around and I made small talk and the cute white boy that I talked about chatted with me. I'm pretty sure we kind of exchanged saliva (but not in that way). I gave him pop rocks and I thought he was gonna put it on his lollipop but he ended up eating it off his hand. I told him to give me some and he poured some on his hand and it was wet. I didn't really think much of it. I just thought they were wet. So I scraped it off his hand and put it in my mouth. And then I proceeded to watch him put pop rocks in his hand and lick it off and then it occurred to me that I basically just had his saliva in my mouth. And I'm not disgusted.

I took a picture of the disfigured lollipops my group made. I'll post it later.

Btw. There's a bunch of foreshadowing going on in the previous paragraph. Things got insane later on. Can you make an educated guess?

Hah. I won't do that to you. Let's proceed.

Lunch was afterwards. I finished licking my crude lollipop and I gave away my other one to a friend. My "father" said his friend had made blueberry lemon lollipops in his chemistry class and they were disgusting. What can I say? We're 11th graders. Not Blow Pop factory workers.

I feel like this post is gonna be extra long. There's a bunch of details that may or may not be important but I'll include anyway. Like the fact that we bounced a balloon around for a few minutes at our table and the principal saw us. We didn't get in trouble but we were told to stop. The principal was like, "Where did you guys get that from?" And then he was like, "What are you supposed to do with it?" And my friend was like it, "Pop it?" And the principal laughed and was like, "No!" I can't even remember what we did with the balloon. I think we just put it under our table.

It was a purple balloon btw. It's the 2013 class color. They had their senior prank and it was almost exactly like the 2012 senior prank except everything was purple and they wrote on the glass and I also saw a few pictures of seniors with zombie make-up. It was kind of confusing but I didn't really pay much attention to it honestly.

After that was 7th period and it was the first class I actually had to do work in. My teacher was gone helping with the seniors so we had a substitute. We were required to write a pre-write for Spanish finals essay on Monday or something. I was half-way through the essay (and deeply loathing the fact that I was actually writing) and then the fire bell rang. It was 7th period and only fire drills 2nd and 8th period because lunches are between 3rd period and 7th period. So I thought it was just a senior prank or something. My friend and I  reluctantly left and we left some of our books behind, jokingly saying that if the school burns down, all our books that we don't care about can burn down with it.

It turns out there was a gas leak in one of the chemistry rooms because of the lollipop experiments. I mean, there WAS  a bad smell in the chemistry room because of the gas but I guess it spread? I'm not sure.

We didn't even find out about the situation until we were standing outside for at least 15 minutes and we were totally baking. To make matters worse, the seniors were having a picnic in the track field. There was a gate separating them from everyone else. So the seniors began throwing water balloons onto our side and everybody was running, trying to dodge the water balloons. The teachers did nothing and since we didn't know about the gas leak, we thought that this was on purpose and that the teachers and administrators did this to punish us.

My "crush" was out there too. I think I nicknamed him The Skater Kid but I think Boy Toy is also a good name too. He's not a big crush, just some cute game if you get what I mean, Before 7th period, my friend and I passed by his class and stared into his class to catch a glimpse of him. He was in there and I caught his glance. My friend and I, because we have no shame, decided to turn around and walk across AGAIN. Second awkward eye contact. And then I went to class.

Well, my friend and I spotted him outside later on. And oh gosh. I can't even like type this because it was the most cringe-worthy, funniest, most awkward moment in my life. So my friend and I went over to where he was and I saw him and he saw me and I just, I don't even know. It's like he knew. He knew either me or my friend was stalking him and so I just turned around because I couldn't. Instead of just being cool about it and just turning around casually. I walked off like a mess.

My other friends found out about the crush and basically ruined my life.

The Skater Kid aka Boy Toy kept looking towards us and my friend and I even saw him start whispering to his friend. It look like he was talking about us. I know he was. And I just couldn't. Then my guy friends were planning to go up to him and saw things like, "She wants the D" and basically ruin my life. Then, a water balloon came from the other side and everyone bolted. I didn't see him again after that.

It's so funny thinking about it now though. I kind of us just wanna leave him alone. At the same time, I don't care. I'm practically a senior and I can do whatever I want. I should have a little fun with this.

Ha. I think I'll just leave him alone for a week or a day.

My friends and I finally came up with the idea of going under a tree and staying there instead of burning. But once we had walked a long distance to get there, about 5 minutes after, they called us in.

We decided we were just gonna get our stuff and just bolt out of school. We split up into groups.

Well, the group of friends I was with and I are not slick. Just saying. Everyone was supposed to go back to their 7th period class for the remaining of the day. But we wanted to be bad and go against the rules. But some administrator caught us in a hallway and started shouting at us, threatening to suspend us or whatever. We ended up sitting it out in my Spanish class and that was the end of the school day.

A group of us went down to Wendy's to celebrate the leaving of two seniors in our group of friends. I didn't have any money because I left my wallet at home. My friend gave me $5 which I used to buy a big chocolate Frosty that I didn't finish and as bus fare.

It seemed like it would've been a nice ending to the day. But later, as two of my friends and I were riding the bus to the mall, I found out some things about my "father". Well, really I didn't find out much. His girlfriend, who is also my friend, said that she said something to him and she thinks what she said was really bad. She didn't tell me what exactly though. But she did tell me that she thinks he's going back to his old ways. That was after I told her about his previous girlfriends and his past with depression and cutting and stuff. I felt bad revealing some things because as a friend, you don't do that and I wasn't even in the position to be telling her anything. But I think my "father" told her some things himself. But still...

But then, she told me that he said he had never fallen in love with any of his past girlfriends. And that's when things went really sour because I remember back in 9th grade, after he and my close friend broke up, he said that he was heartbroken because she was the first girl that he actually "loved". But evidently, he told this girlfriend that he never loved anyone. And honestly, what could I say? He was in 10th grade when he went out with my friend. What did he know about "love"? So I don't really think he's lying to his new girlfriend. But she got mad at me because I wouldn't tell her more. But really, what is there to tell her? That he's lying? I can't tell her what he felt and didn't feel. I could tell her that yeah, he said he was in love with one of his girlfriends but I didn't want to. I had already said too much and it had gotten me in trouble before.

It's hard when your close friends go out with each other. Really hard.

I also found out that another one of my friends used to cut herself. I was shocked because she was such a happy outgoing person. She's such a jokester, I would've never known. Especially since the day we went to the movies, my other friend had revealed that she used to cut herself because she had mental issues. And my friend was acting very naive and had been saying, "I should just turn emo and starting cutting myself". It was offensive and it got awkward because I knew my other friend used to cut herself so I tried to play it off in a joking way saying, "You don't just choose to wanna cut yourself". And giggled in between. But my cutting friend got pissy about it.

So it was surprising when she revealed to me that she did used to cut herself and I saw the scar lines on her arm. She said it was because of her mom and how she acted towards her. Things like this make me sad because my parents have never done anything to me that would cause me to wanna go cut myself. I've talked about this before but I do think I get special treatment because I'm older and honestly, smarter than my brothers and sister are. Not smarter because I'm older. But like, if I was on their grade level, I know I'd be on a higher intellectual level than all of them. Which has allowed me to do well in school.

But with all the friends that I know have cut themselves, their parents are always part of the reason. And now I really feel like I somehow attract with these issues. Most, if not all of them have actually became friends with me after the cutting but still... Why me? I was thinking about it in the morning before I even heard about the new one and I thought, maybe God is trying to tell me something? These people are already okay though. There's not much I can do. Is it because I don't have issues myself. (I mean, of course I have issues, just not on a huge level or as huge as I sometimes think they are.) I really think there's some purpose I'm supposed to fulfill. Or maybe I'm just thinking too much into this. Maybe we're in an age where a lot of kids just self-harm nowadays and I'm not "attracting" these type of people. It's simply just a higher percentage of kids who cut.

Eh. I don't know. I wish I could tell someone about this. I don't know who though.

Right now. I feel like pulling up the sleeves of all my friends and examining their arms. This isn't okay.

I forgot to add that I found out that my "father" is starting to go to therapy again though I feel like I already know this. And that time he was acting like a princess was because he was actually high. I need to talk to him alone one of these days.

Anyway, I'm done explaining my Friday. I went home. Ate cookies and a trail mix bar and went into hibernation for about 3 hours. I woke up several minutes before 10 pm. I'll be going to bed sooner or later. We're going to some mountain or something for church. It sounds pretty cool actually. But I know it's gonna be really hot and I'm probably gonna darken and I realized I don't even know what I'm gonna wear yet.

Meh. Things will work out for themselves, right?

I just wish the best for all those I love. I wish the best for all of us.