That Freshman Fifteen.

I was just thinking about it a few moments ago. You know the Freshman Fifteen thing? Where people gain 15 pounds after freshman year of college? I believe, I'll actually lose 15 pounds.

You know why?

Because I HATE eating in front of people. Most of the time when I want to eat, I'll be in the food hall or in my dorm room. I'll be around a bunch of people in the food hall so I'll really slack on eating, especially if they're people I don't know. And then in the dorm room, I'll be with a room mate or room mates and I'll never get to pig out like I usually do. I mean, I guess I'll begin getting used to the people around me. But I don't think I'll ever be fine with eating 3 bowls of Honey Bunches of Oats in front of ANYONE.

I also realized that I hardly ever reblog things on Tumblr. I probably reblog at least 2 pictures a day on a normal day. I don't reblog a lot of funny posts (because most of them will make my tumblr ugly). I just like them. And then the pictures that do fit my blog, I don't reblog a lot of because honestly, they ALL are starting to look the same and I feel like I'm just reblogging the same things.

This is my attempt at not talking about grades or boys, if you can't tell.

My eyebrows are distressing me. They're so hideous. I just wanna get them done but I don't my mom would let me. I just need to trim them, to pluck them, to fill them in a little. I just need to do SOMETHING. The first problem is that I've gotta buy things: eyebrow liner or shadow, tweezers, brow razors, brow scissors... Ain't nobody got the money! Second problem is that if I do acquire these items, I don't wanna butcher my brows up. The third problem is that if I do fix these brows, my mom will DEFINITELY notice. And I've asked her before (back in like 8th grade) if I can get my brows done and she was like, peer pressure... too young... Christianity... something along those lines. I can't even exactly remember but it was basically no. But I am older now and she would be a little more lenient. I mean, if I can't wax them, she should allow me to at least trim and tweeze them.

It also dawned on me that in about two weeks, summer starts. Yeah, I'm excited for the last day of school to hang with my friends but after that, I'll have NOTHING to do. And if I don't get the internship, I'm totally screwed for this summer. (Please God, let me get this internship.)

If I get the internship, I'm totally gonna enjoy the two free weeks I'll have. I'll go to the library and relax and read books and magazines. I'll go to gym and work on my body. I'll sleep in. I'll watch TV. I'll bake things.

But you can't do all that for about two months. That's insane. Idk. I'm really not mentally prepared for the summer. And I'm not even sure why.

Did I ever tell you that one of my friends isn't talking to me? You're gonna realize that I'm such an awful person when you hear the awful things I'm about to say. Let's just say: I don't care.

Okay, I care. But only because I feel like I'm supposed to care. We've been friends for a long time so to just disregard her like nothing is obviously not the right thing to do. It's just that I don't even CARE to be friends with her any longer because she's such a downer. Yeah, she can be such a funny, crazy, outgoing person. But at the same time, she can be so moody and questionable. The thing is, I don't even mind that. I have a bunch of friends who are constantly having bad days and though it's annoying, it's not a big deal to me. The problem is that she puts me down and therefore, I just don't like being around her sometimes.

I remember one time, she said, "Why am I even friends with you?" It sounds mean, but really, she didn't say it in a very mean way. But it did get me thinking. I really don't know why we're even friends because we're not the most compatible people. She loves to talk. I don't. She loves to joke around and get crazy. I don't. I'm not a funny person. When I am funny, it's usually because I'm being sarcastic and she doesn't seem to get my sarcasm. You would think that we'd be totally compatible with each other. The talkative person with a person to listen. And it was okay like that at first but now she's calling me a brick, a tree, a boring person. What am I supposed to do?! I just don't have things to say to her!

I didn't tell you why she stopped talking to me. Well, it started on Friday when her, me, and another friend were helping out with the senior surveys for SADD. And after it was over, she wanted me to walk her to class. She started walking out and I was walking with her but I stopped because my friend and I went to talk to the coordinator about staying after to help clean up. But I guess she thought I had just abandoned her when really, when I turned around she was just gone. Later that day, when we had a gas leak and we were standing outside, she told me that she wasn't talking to me. And I brushed it off and kind of joked about it, saying, "Fine then!".

I was really not even serious about it though and I didn't think she was either. But I probably made it worse when I was walking around with a different group of friends, passing her a few times even, and basically ignoring her without actually knowing it. I think that's when she was actually serious about not talking to me and she has been ignoring me since then.

She's done this before but not really for long periods of time. I just pretend that we're actually talking. I say hi to her whenever I see her and when she's around people that I'm friends with, I pretend I'm actually talking to her and her friend even though she totally dismisses my presence. She's gonna thaw soon enough. I'm not worried about that. But I sent her a text that went like this: When are you gonna start talking to me? I miss you asking me for the answers to the world history homework.

I only did it so it seemed like I actually still wanted to be good friend. Anyway, she replied saying something like this: BCF is having a potluck on Friday! Bring a dish. This is either Jessica or (name of another friend).

I thought she was thawing out. I told her to guess. She figured out it was me and said that she did not care. And that confused me. She did not care if I went or she did not care about? I was actually going to go though in the moments before she replied. But if she's still not gonna talk to me, then who will I talk to there? Actually, I'm gonna go despite it all. I replied: "I see how it is. Well I'll see you at BCF on Friday."

Now here's the most awful thing I'm gonna say. I don't care if she doesn't talk to me and I actually wouldn't mind if she didn't because that means I'll have to invite her to Wheaton with the rest of my friends on the last day of school and honestly, I don't want to. I don't think she fits with the rest of them. Actually, I'm pretty sure she can if she wanted to but she just chooses not to. It's like she doesn't like the rest of them and I do have a friend who doesn't seem to like her much either. Actually, I'm thinking about it more and there's really no doubt that we could all have fun with each other. But I'm afraid she's gonna be a downer that day and I'm afraid that I'm gonna abandon her just like I did before.

If things work out, I'll invite her but if they don't, I'll be perfectly content with going with the rest of my friends.

She doesn't know it but really, it's all up to her.