Terrorizing Me.

First, let me pay my respects to those who died on 9/11. I wanted to go into depression mode and watch a live news video of the actual day so I can relive the moments since I was only 5 at the time it happened. Because I like doing things like this to myself. But I didn't because I was already halfway in depressed mode.

Seriously, I want to just lie down right now. My stomach feels all icky from this hot sauce-drenched chicken I accidentally ate when I usually don't eat sauce-drenched chicken. And I have too much on my mind. I'm going to the actual library tomorrow instead of the college library because at least I can actually use my laptop there.

Ugh.

Of course, the number one thing on my mind is SATs. I mean, October isn't my last chance to take the SAT but it is my biggest chance. Most priority or early action applications are in mid-October and early-November. So if I don't do well, I screwed my chances for the earlier applications. Damn. I can't believe my entire life depends on this SAT score. Please don't tell me it doesn't. Because it does. I just wanna do well. And now I'm all itchy from the stress.

My tutor finally responded to an e-mail I sent him so I'm gonna call him and get some things settled out. I'm apprehensive about having him come back and tutor because he's like a bad luck charm. I swear. I understand things when he explains them to me but I still fail anyway. Why is that?

I should start praying to God. It's so wrong of me to only go to him when I need something. But I really can't deal with this on my own. I really can't.

I also realized that I screwed up on getting recommendation letters. I forgot that the only person I asked for a letter was from my AP Chemistry teacher. I thought I asked for one from my Physics teacher but I just realized that I probably didn't. My memory sucks when it comes to critical things like this. So I possibly have only one teacher to get a recommendation letter from when I should have three. I went to my Computer Graphics teacher only to find out that I had five people ahead of me and she was about to get eye surgery, meaning that I probably won't get a letter until later in October. -_-

Ugh.

I'm also trying to apply for this QuestBridge thing which is this program that provides free tuition to elite schools for students from low-income families. My family isn't low-income but I've been getting tons of letters and e-mails from this QuestBridge thing and I decided to finally check it yesterday only to find out that deadline is on the 27th and I need to get recommendation letters. And...

Ugh.

Don't forget that I need to do all those essays for my applications and then pay for them. On top all of that, I have an internship and I have four advanced classes. And apart from the academics part, I have to deal with girly issues like self-esteem and boys.

Like today. I've said it thousands of times before that college boys are hot. I see dozens of cute college boys on a weekly basis. None of them talk to me nor do they glance at me, I'm sure. And I don't really expect them to though I wish they would. But today, I was riding home on the shuttle bus, deep in my thoughts of boys and school and friends and other shiz that teenage girls think about. I get off, cross the street, and head to my neighborhood. I glance to the left to see this black guy with a cell-phone to his ear and I quickly glance away, not thinking much of it. Then the guy calls me and is like, "Oh alright. You're not gonna say anything." I soon come to realize that this is the guy that tried to talk to me during the summer when I was waiting for the bus to go to the library. In the summer, the guy scared me so much that I left the bus stop and walked the long way home. Only to come back several minutes later when I knew he was gone.

Anyway, this guy began talking to me from the distance as I kept walking. He asked if he could walk with me and I was like, "No." And he was like, "Why not?" And I laughed nervously and shook my head instead of saying, "Uh no. You're gross and I don't like you and if my parents see you walking home with me, they'll kill you and eat you alive." That's what I really wanted to say. Along with, "What kind of nonsense is this!? Teh-ro-rize-in' me in my own compound! Come on. GERROUT OF MY SIGHT!" in a strong Nigerian accent.

God was probably trying to tell me something with that encounter. Like the fact that I should probably not cross a major road like that without walking across a crosswalk. I honestly felt like I was close to death when I crossed.

But here's how I took it:

I walked around a campus full of sexy boys for like two hours only to get hit on by some groady guy working at a barber shop in my neighborhood.

Ugh.